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Monthly Archives: July 2013

Steam Summer Sale Haiku Extravaganza

As many regular readers have already gathered, I am primarily a PC gamer. That being the case, I make heavy use of the Steam client. In the spirit of Steam Sales, where hundreds of thousands of gamers are encouraged to buy games they’ll likely never finish, I went on a fiscally irresponsible spending spree! I bought more games than I could even finishing downloading in a week, and have given a brief amount of playtime to each. Of course, because I couldn’t finish any games, I couldn’t produce any proper reviews. But, don’t worry! I (more or less) got the gist of each of them, so here’s a bunch of tl;dr Haikus representing the best of the summer sales.   Sid Meier’s Civilization 5: Gold Edition Great new features and — Holy Shit! I’ve got a spy. Espionage, go!   Organ Trail Stock up. Kill Zombies. Make it across the ...

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Bleeding Out — Bleed

A tl;dr Haiku: Shoot at stuff with guns And it will die pretty quick. Real short games: hooray?   An indie developed platformer for the PC, Bleed is a decent game that doesn’t last long enough to make an impact. Though, even if it was longer, it would just be more tiresome, rather than any more interesting. There aren’t any glaring things that leap out as wrong with the game, but it has nagging problems and doesn’t do anything well enough to stand out. That coupled with an incredibly short playtime makes Bleed a forgettable title. The basic game idea is simple: run through levels killing enemies until the boss is reached, then kill the boss. To do this, I use guns, a jump mechanic than allows for a quarter-dozen bonus hops before I have to land, and the ability to slow down time. These powers are cool mechanics in ...

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Vicarious Victory — Rogue Legacy

A tl;dr haiku: The key to winning: If at first you don’t succeed, Make your kid do it.   Rogue Legacy is an action platformer for the PC by Cellar Door Games. Picking it up, a few things quickly stand out: sharp pixel graphics accompanied by charming bit tunes, tight control scheme, a fascinating death mechanic, and a difficulty curve that can kick my butt to Camelot and back. The way Rogue Legacy handles death is just about as unique an approach as I’ve seen. Upon dying, I lose my character. Sir Pinkerton XXIV, who tragically ran into a pit of spikes, is no more. In his place, rises his descendant: Lady Louise VIII. She, unlike Sir Pinkerton, has ADHD and Gigantism, resulting in her being a fairly large target who dies pretty fast, too. Then she is gone and I got her descendant. He is a midget. I don’t ...

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